What time of day or night do you usually have your existential crisis? For me, that's 2am. "Am I where I'm supposed to be in life" and "Do I have the courage to do something different?" are what circle my mind while I listen to the rain and see the lights and shadows that cross my bedroom ceiling while cars drive past my window.
These aren't new thoughts for me. From a young age (around 6) I lamented the fact that my parents wouldn't teach me how to file my taxes. "How else will I be prepared for life, if I don't know how to file a W2 or 1099?" I thought to myself as I ate my cereal while watching my weekly cartoons. That thought evolved as I grew older through the years, through high school and onto adulthood. While others my age had 2 year plans I had 5 year and 10 year plans. But as life goes, none of these plans came to fruition and I was left wandering, trying to find a forge a new path at the same time as I'm walking on it.
I'd like to say that I have everything figured out by now, but trying to navigate the professional space isn't any easier. How can I survive a 9-5 when all I want to do is be creative and imaginative? Being called a "Rockstar" and smelling the bland coffee wafting from the lunchroom give me no fulfillment whatsoever.
However music is a huge comfort for me while I drag myself to and from the office, and a song I added to my playlist recently was "Satellite" by LMST (Lenny Makes Something).
See my interview for LMST "Satellite"
LMST is no stranger to being a creative stuck with a W2. Currently in charge of sales at an IT company during the day, at night he changes into a passionate K-R&B singer songwriter.
The song compares our search for change and purpose in life to being a satellite circling in orbit until we find our answers.
With the warm guitar melodies and drum rhythms with their repeating patterns, it brings to mind our daily orbit that we call routine. In high school I often used to ride my bike all over town, feeling the breeze against my face and watch the sun set against the city background. My 5-10 year future weighed heavy on my shoulders after all.
Nowadays it still feels like we're still expected to have a perfect plan for every step of our lives and not deviate from it. While I still figure out where I belong and try to ignore all the revised plans that never came about, it's comforting to know that someone 5,000 miles away from me is wondering the same thing.
What should I do now
Just circle till I find
I'm satellite
Satellite
Watch "Satellite" on YouTube:
Listen on Spotify:
[Credits]
Lyrics by LMST
Composed by LMST, vyd, COKEONSOBER
Arranged by vyd
Mix & Mastered by Quesa Dilla
Piano by viewhorese, yeol
Guitar by DOHY
Bass by DOHY
Drum by viewhorse, yeol
Chorus by LMST
MV by Cactus Studio (Jung Yoo-seok)